TRAVISATIONS!

I know it's a word I made up. I thought it was clever. Perhaps not. Regardless, the word will be the title to a new series of posts where I will discuss things that make my life that much easier to tolerate. Whether it be something from modern pop culture (was that redundant?), something funny someone said, or merely going outside to smell the roses. They will be known as - drum roll please - TRAVISATIONS! (*echo echo echo). Also, I've decided to go on a mission to advertise my blog to more than just the three people I've told about it. I want more people to come read it and experience the thrills that are TRAVISATIONS! To kick start my series of TRAVISATIONS! let me begin with these three gems:

1. Da Ali G Show. It is quite possible that I have never laughed so hard at a television show. IMDB.com describes the show as this:

A burned-out, ignorant, cockney British-Jamaican b-boy; an anti-Semitic, misogynistic nymphomaniac who is a television reporter from Kazakhstan; and a homosexual Austrian fashonista--all played by Sacha Baron Cohen--conduct interviews on unsuspecting Americans, who include prominent pundits in the political system and celebrities, that reveal deeply hidden prejudices and challenge social mores within American society.

There is one interview where Ali G (the b-boy) interviews James Lipton (from Inside the Actors Studio) that is a gut buster. But that is really only one of many hysterical reality sketches. This is available on DVD - RENT IT!

2. Team America: World Police. This is especially for fans of Trey Parker and Matt Stone and the humor they have infused on us all. IMDB.com describes the film as this:

Team America follows an international police force dedicated to maintaining global stability. Learning that power hungry dictator Kim Jong Il (Parker) is out to destroy the world, the team recruits Broadway star Gary Johnston (Parker) to go undercover. With the help of Team America (Stone, Miller, Masasa, Parker, and Norris), Gary manages to slip into an arms dealer's hideout to uncover the plan to destroy the world. Will Team America be able to save the world?

Uh, there is one key element that description in missing. All the characters are MARIONETTES. Clever AND hysterical. RENT IT!!

3. Writing Haikus. Believe it or not. It CAN be fun. Here is how: go online, have a friend give you a word to put into a haiku and then write the haiku. Try to be clever. There is only so much information that can fit into a haiku. My friend and I were discussing "gay" haiku and this is what he came up with:

I meant to say "Cheers"
I see how you got confused
By my "bottoms up!"
-Greg Turner

So there is the first in my series of TRAVISATIONS! The blog won't be exclusively TRAVISATIONS! but I will try to keep them updated weekly. Enjoy!!

It's The Biz

So what would you do if one day two cast members from a show you musically directed dropped out of the show giving you less than 24 hours to replace them in a show filled with difficult harmonies, dancing, dialogue, and several choreographed quick changes. Again, what would you do? I'll tell you what I did. Because it happened to me. Last Thursday, due to discrepancies with the Artistic Director, the only 2 male cast members in our 5 person show called it quits. Leaving us VERY high and dry. This isn't a show you can just walk out on especially due to the LARGE quantity of music and harmonies. But, alas, they DID. Not the most professional thing to do in the world. Actually, it probably fits snuggly down there with sexual harassment, discrimination, and stabbing your boss through the head with a machete. Let me also say that one of the two cast members who left was a friend of mine who I recommended for the job. He said NOTHING to me before he left. How pathetic is that. Not to mention the fact that him quitting reflects on me seeing how I recommended him. OK, on to the fun part. So what did we do, you ask? Well, I got a phone call telling me that I needed to learn the entire show by 2:00 the next day giving me less than 24 hours to learn the show. Seeing how I enjoy sleeping that left me with less than 16 hours to learn the show. That is not NEARLY enough time. Our cast rehearse their shows for 2 weeks and they still have problems for the first week of performing or so. So I said, "uhhhhhhh no no no, this is what we should do". So we basically threw together a cabaret act trying to keep in as much of the show as possible without it being too difficult on myself and one of the replacements that was kind enough to come in and fill in for the other guy at the last minute. So all the medleys were CUT, all the dancing was virtually CUT, and much of the costumes and dialogue were CUT. In their place we put in several solos, such as an Amazing Grace solo, Oh What A Beautiful Mornin', and On The Street Where You Live. We kept several elements of the old show as long as there wasn't TOO much dancing or harmonies. But basically we made it as easy on ourselves as we possibly could. The show was about 15 minutes shorter than the old version also. Which made it about 1 hr long. Here's the clincher though: THE AUDIENCE STILL LOVED IT! They didn't even notice. As I always say, they're too busy shittin' their pants. But, here's another clincher, on Saturday my family had been planning for a long time to come down with 20 OTHER PEOPLE to stay all night and see the show I musically directed. Well much to their surprise (and pleasure) they got to see me in the show. Not something I was exactly looking forward to. But, in the end I guess it all worked out. So, in closing, I ended up performing in the show on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and the two replacements are currently rehearsing their butts off to go into the OLD show on Tuesday. We'll see how that works out. Giving them a few days is even pushing it. But we'll make it work. As far as the two guys who left goes. Well I hope they both fall off the edge of a cliff. A VERY high cliff. So in the end, all I really have to say is: "it's the biz".

Chinese Buffets: Spawn of Satan?

I realize that I have not posted on my blog for nearly 2 months. I ask myself why, and it occurred to me that I just didn't have much to talk about. It also occurred to me that I am completely unaware as to how many people actually read my blog. I know that I read it, and Linzy reads it, and Lisa reads it. Other than that, I'm not quite sure anybody reads it. I get reports but I honestly don't look at those and I'm not sure how much to trust them anyways. But knowing that Linzy and Lisa read it should be enough to motivate me. So I'll try to remember to post more often and not be lazy. With that in mind, I want to mention how Chinese buffets are the spawn of Satan. I had the pleasure of spending time with one of my two readers this past weekend and among our festivities we attended the Great Wall Buffet in Ft. Wayne, IN. Our biggest concern was finding sushi because we both enjoy the occasional spicy tuna roll among other savory raw delights. Much to our chagrin, every quality sushi restaurant in Ft. Wayne was closed until 4 o'clock on Sundays. But we wanted sushi and we wanted it NOW! Not to mention Linzy's flight took off at 3:55 PM. Leaving us -5 minutes to partake of any quality sushi in Ft. Wayne (that's not including check-in and boarding time which adds up to approximately -95 minutes...oh, and eating time which brings us to a grand total of -155 minutes - and that's pushin' it). So we called several Chinese buffets in Ft. Wayne to see if they served sushi. We found one, reluctantly attended the cow troff (as Linzy so eloquently put it), complained about how terrible the sushi was (it was really, really bad), then went about our merry little way. I refer to Chinese buffets as the "spawn of Satan" not only because of their terrible sushi, but also because of the way they make me feel. Not just physically due to the unconscious overeating, but also emotionally and mentally. Looking around at the plethora of people stuffing their faces with MSG, fat, carbs, sugar, grease, oil, and deep fried fish heads, it made me feel like I was a part of something evil. Something unstoppable. It made me feel like we were all being roped into something that was inevitably going to take over the world. The way this place ran was almost like a factory. Like our mouths were part of an assembly line. Get 'em in, fill 'em up, get 'em out. Get 'em in, fill 'em up, get 'em out. Get 'em in, fill 'em up, get 'em out. Disturbing. Needless to say, I will not be jumping at the opportunity to attend any Chinese buffets anytime soon. Perhaps they should make a sequel to "Super Size Me" focusing on the terror that is the chinese buffet. Anybody have any clever names for it? Perhaps "Super Chinese Me" or "Super -> Insert Chinese Lettering Spelling out the word 'Size' <- Me".