An Amish Joke

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."

"Again, I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector and he said he would put a new one on immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

Killer Bunnies

So I've discovered a new game recently, thanks to a friend of mine in NYC. The game is called Killer Bunnies. No seriously, it's called Killer Bunnies. Well, to be exact it is called Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot. No seriously! Basically, the title of the game explains it's premise. To be more specific, the game is similar to magic (yes, it's a card game) except not as complicated (I think, I've only played magic once and I didn't get it). They even have a website - http://www.killerbunnies.com. GO.

Fire and Brimstone

Recently, my area has suffered from vast amounts of flooding and ice. Now we have about 8 inches of snow on the ground. I was driving along and there is a local Wesleyan church that has a sign out front. Sometimes the quotes are amusing and sometimes they say things like - "Be thankful it was only ice and water. It could have been fire and brimstone." Ok, ok...you all know my thoughts on this matter - and if not, well, I guess I don't want to really get into it at the moment. But after being infuriated at the quote, then laughing about it a little, then being infuriated again, I realized that I don't even know what the hell brimstone is...no pun intended. Dictionary.com defines it merely as "sulfur". Then, as you scroll down it says "an inflammable mineral substance found in quantities on the shores of the Dead Sea". Interesting. Apparently, a city in the Bible was rained on by fire and brimstone. That must have stunk...literally. By the way, Brimstone is also the name of a band and a TV series that lasted about year in the late 90's. It was about a dead cop, sentenced to Hell, then returned to Earth by the Devil to recover 113 escaped evil spirits. Does anybody remember this show? Or did they actually see it. I'm drawing a blank here. I'm also wondering if the Wesleyan church was talking about the TV show in their quote. I doubt it. They were probably referring to the brimstone in the bible...seeing how it's a church and all. I also looked up "fire and brimstone" on dictionary.com. It defines the phrase as: "the punishment of hell." OK. So was that church saying I should be thankful for ice and water instead of "the punishment of hell?" How do they know I'm going to hell? Oh wait...I said I wasn't going to get into this didn't I. BTW...I also found this in my research: FIRE AND BRIMSTONE. It's interesting. Check it out. Talk at you later!

NY, NY, etc

So I am officially, 100% no longer a resident of NYC. This past week I ventured there to clear my old apartment of any remains. It was a prosperous visit. I saw David Letterman, a few friends, a Broadway show (Little Women starring my friend Amy McAlexander), a couple movies, and I did a little shopping and eating...ok, lots of eating. The flicks I caught were Kinsey, which was phenomenal, and Finding Neverland, which was very good. I recommend them both. David Letterman was an interesting experience. The guest list was awesome (note sarcasm). The guests were Rudy Giuliani and some 11 year old drummer prodigy. LAME. Perhaps some of you caught the broadcast. The 11 year old kid was actually pretty good, but c'mon...couldn't they get ONE movie star? Speaking of movie stars...what is wrong with Mos Def? Wait...did I say movie star? I meant to say "rapper slash movie star". Anyways, is there something wrong with him mentally? Did he get hit by a bus or something? I just watched an interview with him on the late late show with Craig Ferguson and not only was his singing performance atrocious but during his interview he sounded a bit on the slow side. Does he talk like this in the movies? I really can't remember seeing a movie he was in. But I was just appalled by his performance. It really was atrocious. There is no other word for it. Craig Ferguson, however, is great. I really like him as a talk show host. I guess he's just a temp though. So final assessment: I no longer live in NYC at all, go see Finding Neverland and Kinsey, David Letterman is in dire need of celebrities, Mos Def sucks, Craig Ferguson doesn't, and Mos Def sucks...he seems nice though.

The Ice Storm Part Deaux

That's right folks, you heard it here first. I have suffered my second, I repeat, second ice storm in 10 days. The whole nine yards: no electricity, no water, no heat. This makes me come to this conclusion. Either God is punishing me for my heathen ways. Or he is punishing everyone around me for voting for George W. Bush. I vote for the latter. No, but seriously people, my friend (who shall remain nameless...we'll call her Ms. Pruitt...no, no, better yet, Lisa X) told me recently that someone she knows said God was punishing the people in Indonesia because they were "Godless". What about all the innocent children over there? What about the Christians? There had to be a few of them there, right? Let me just say that I don't think God punishes anybody. That's my stance on that issue...not to start a debate or anything. But if he WERE to punish somebody...it'd be the people who voted for George W. Bush. JUST KIDDING! sorta...

TV on DVD

Can I just tell you how brilliant this concept is to me? For one, you don't get those lousy commercial breaks interrupting your program. Two, you get a quality digital picture. Three, you can stop and start as much as you like. Four, you don't have to wait weeks or months to see the next episode (one exception: you're waiting for the next season to come out on DVD). Five, you can stop the program, get up to pee, then start watching again. Six, you get amazing extras such as audio commentary on the episodes. Did I miss anything? I'm currently watching the 5th season of The Simpsons that just came out on DVD. Yes, I also watched these episodes when they aired. But that was 10 years ago! Next I want to watch the last episodes of Sex and the City which was also just released. I'm extremely lonely and bored right now because everybody has left me where I'm working and living. I feel a sense of cabin fever approaching...think Jack Torrance from The Shining. Thankfully, I'm able to sway that fever due to this magnificent invention called TV on DVD. Thank you entertainment industry. Thank you. Ok, back to The Simpsons.