This is just amazing. It blew my mind.
Is this picture black and white, or is it in color? Stare at the dot in the middle of the image, and perhaps the answer will present itself to you. Make it full screen if you can.
This one is pretty cool too!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Book Club
In the past month I have managed to read 4 novels in a mission to read more. I think 4 in a month is pretty good. Here are the books I read and how I felt about them:
*Ratings are based on a 4 *star* system.
1. Twilight - * Terrible book. Here is a copy of my review from Facebook:
The first 375 pages go like this:
2. How I Paid For College: A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship, and Musical Theatre
**1/2
An amusing book. It's an easy read but ultimately lacks any real depth. If you enjoy coming of age stories it's probably worth a look.
3. Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office ***
Sex and the City meets Bridget Jones Diary meets David Sedaris meets Roseanne. Fun, hilarious read and surprisingly inspirational.
4. Lovely Bones ****
Amazing. One of the best novels I've ever read. Destined to be a classic.
I'm currently reading Angels and Demons because I want to keep up my reading streak. Please feel free to comment or recommend some good books to me!
*Ratings are based on a 4 *star* system.
1. Twilight - * Terrible book. Here is a copy of my review from Facebook:
The first 375 pages go like this:
Girl: Oh the vampire is sooooo gorgeous.
Vampire: No you can't like me because I'm a vampire. I'm a good vampire but I might get tempted to bite you.
That happens over and over and over again.
At about p. 375 something interesting happens but ultimately lets you down with an anticlimactic finish where the girl says "Oh the vampire is soooooo gorgeous!" Then the vampire replies with, "No, you can't like me because I'm a vampire. I'm a good vampire but I might get tempted to bite you."
This book is possibly the lamest thing I have ever read in my life. Not only is it a terrible attempt to rip-off the brilliant "Buffy" series, it is also 300 pages too long.
I'll read the second book because I'm hoping it'll improve...I've been informed that it doesn't. Ugh.2. How I Paid For College: A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship, and Musical Theatre
**1/2
An amusing book. It's an easy read but ultimately lacks any real depth. If you enjoy coming of age stories it's probably worth a look.
3. Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office ***
Sex and the City meets Bridget Jones Diary meets David Sedaris meets Roseanne. Fun, hilarious read and surprisingly inspirational.
4. Lovely Bones ****
Amazing. One of the best novels I've ever read. Destined to be a classic.
I'm currently reading Angels and Demons because I want to keep up my reading streak. Please feel free to comment or recommend some good books to me!
Monday, October 06, 2008
OMG This Guy Is SOOO Funny!
Wow, this guy is funny. It does not suprise me AT ALL that he is so successful. He is just so funny. Watch this clip and laugh your pants off!! If he were any funnier he wouldn't be human. He is just THAT funny. So talented and witty. I wish I were as funny as he is. Just watch this and you will know what I mean!
Seriously though, he makes me want to pry my eyes out with an AIDS infected steak knife.
Seriously though, he makes me want to pry my eyes out with an AIDS infected steak knife.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Digging through the archives.
I came back to Columbus today for a short visit and decided to go rummaging through some of my old school papers, pictures, etc. I wanted to find some old reviews of shows that I was in to put them up on my website. I was looking through one particular box and I came across a story that I wrote in the 4th grade. It was odd because it had a cardboard cover that had been wrapped in some type of paper. It almost looked like it had been wrapped in wall paper, a very hideous wallpaper. So I pulled it out and opened it up and inside was a bio and picture of me from the fourth grade. Here is what the bio said:
Travis Smith is nine years old. He lives in Pickerington, Ohio. His favorite food is spaghetti, chicken, pizza, and steak. He likes to read.
Oh, and picture that bio written in 4th grader cursive.
On the first page was a picture of me under the title: Heroes. Below the picture was written the words: By Travis Smith. The next page was a dedication to my parents and the name of the publishing company and copyright: Smith Publishing Co. Copyright 1989.
Then came the story. All punctuation and grammar has been retained for authenticity.
Once there lived a kitten with her mom in the town dump. His father had died of pain and starvation because his foot became caught in a bear trap. The momma went out one day to get the baby some fish from the market. Unfortunately, when the kitten's mom reached the middle of the road the light turned green. And the kitten's mom got ran over and died. The pound found the little kitten. There were three kittens, and four puppies and one dad and mom in the pound. The puppie's names were Grounder, Ruff, Sam, and Misty. The kitten liked Sam the best. She had to get out of the pound because in a month she would have to get a shot and that means death. That night the cat took a deep breath and squeezed through the bars. And the door opened the next morning, ZOOM! The cat escaped And he started running then he bumped into a pit bull. "Rrrrr," growled the dog. The cat got out of there in a flash. And the pit bull started chasing it. At that time a man just broke of of jail. It was on the news the he was one of the worst robbers in the jail. The pit bull was still chasing the cat. She jumped over the fence . And sitting in the grass were two cocker spaniels. The cat's hair flew up. The two dogs started chasing the cat. "Scat," said a man to the two dogs The man picked up the cat by its tail. "Let me have her" said his wife. Will I have to go to the bakery dear "said the man." Why don't you take the cat "said the woman." Well...okay "the man said." When they got there he threw the cat on the table. And sitting on the table with her was a dog. They began to fight. When the man noticed they were in a fight he stopped them. The robber was on their street now. He was getting hungry. The dog and cat were out playing. The robber noticed the bakery. He went inside all dressed up in black you couldn't see his face it was covered too. "Give me all your money." O my said the man." A man named Jermy Thomas was in the restroom. He came out saw the robber. So he went out the back door. the dog and cat came through the front door shoot. Then they noticed the man. They both jumped on him and started biting him and scratching him. The man fell down and was injured. The police came in and took the man away. How did you know he was here? A man by the name of Jeremy Thomas told us. "Well thanks alot," said the man. And for the dog and cat they were heroes.
WTF? Did I seriously write this crap? Why is it so violent and depressing. I must have been going through a phase. There are also illustrations throughout the book. Let me just say, they are HIDEOUS. I do have to admit though, my grammar and spelling isn't half-bad. Granted, I start far too many sentences with "And". I also mess up the quotations a few times. It's kind of amusing because I get them backwards. But ultimately, what is this story about? It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. I'm not sure what the grade was. The book hasn't been written in at all. None of the grammatical or spelling errors have been fixed. Regardless, I found it amusing and I hope you did too.
Travis Smith is nine years old. He lives in Pickerington, Ohio. His favorite food is spaghetti, chicken, pizza, and steak. He likes to read.
Oh, and picture that bio written in 4th grader cursive.
On the first page was a picture of me under the title: Heroes. Below the picture was written the words: By Travis Smith. The next page was a dedication to my parents and the name of the publishing company and copyright: Smith Publishing Co. Copyright 1989.
Then came the story. All punctuation and grammar has been retained for authenticity.
Once there lived a kitten with her mom in the town dump. His father had died of pain and starvation because his foot became caught in a bear trap. The momma went out one day to get the baby some fish from the market. Unfortunately, when the kitten's mom reached the middle of the road the light turned green. And the kitten's mom got ran over and died. The pound found the little kitten. There were three kittens, and four puppies and one dad and mom in the pound. The puppie's names were Grounder, Ruff, Sam, and Misty. The kitten liked Sam the best. She had to get out of the pound because in a month she would have to get a shot and that means death. That night the cat took a deep breath and squeezed through the bars. And the door opened the next morning, ZOOM! The cat escaped And he started running then he bumped into a pit bull. "Rrrrr," growled the dog. The cat got out of there in a flash. And the pit bull started chasing it. At that time a man just broke of of jail. It was on the news the he was one of the worst robbers in the jail. The pit bull was still chasing the cat. She jumped over the fence . And sitting in the grass were two cocker spaniels. The cat's hair flew up. The two dogs started chasing the cat. "Scat," said a man to the two dogs The man picked up the cat by its tail. "Let me have her" said his wife. Will I have to go to the bakery dear "said the man." Why don't you take the cat "said the woman." Well...okay "the man said." When they got there he threw the cat on the table. And sitting on the table with her was a dog. They began to fight. When the man noticed they were in a fight he stopped them. The robber was on their street now. He was getting hungry. The dog and cat were out playing. The robber noticed the bakery. He went inside all dressed up in black you couldn't see his face it was covered too. "Give me all your money." O my said the man." A man named Jermy Thomas was in the restroom. He came out saw the robber. So he went out the back door. the dog and cat came through the front door shoot. Then they noticed the man. They both jumped on him and started biting him and scratching him. The man fell down and was injured. The police came in and took the man away. How did you know he was here? A man by the name of Jeremy Thomas told us. "Well thanks alot," said the man. And for the dog and cat they were heroes.
WTF? Did I seriously write this crap? Why is it so violent and depressing. I must have been going through a phase. There are also illustrations throughout the book. Let me just say, they are HIDEOUS. I do have to admit though, my grammar and spelling isn't half-bad. Granted, I start far too many sentences with "And". I also mess up the quotations a few times. It's kind of amusing because I get them backwards. But ultimately, what is this story about? It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. I'm not sure what the grade was. The book hasn't been written in at all. None of the grammatical or spelling errors have been fixed. Regardless, I found it amusing and I hope you did too.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Watch if you dare.
First off I wanted to say that I completely forgot about Charlie Wilson's War in my top 10 list. It would have been up there somewhere. Alas, too late to change it now. But it's a great satire, check it out. I also watched The Mist recently which I enjoyed thoroughly.
Anyways, this is just gross. Gross, gross, gross.
Anyways, this is just gross. Gross, gross, gross.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Best Films 2007
I just watched the video from my last post and cracked up yet again. Good stuff.
I now present to you the annual best films blog. This, of course, being the best films of 2007. It's a little late, I know. But, better late than never! Right? Right?!!
10. 3:10 To Yuma
I went and saw this film on a recommendation. I've never been a huge fan of the western genre. However, I thoroughly enjoyed Unforgiven, Clint Eastwood's western epic that took the genre to a whole new level, This film, being a remake, continues the tradition of having a western with poignant parallels on the realities of life, love, family, and simple morality. Great performances and cinematography add to the films already sensational, yet unique, script.
9. Superbad
It's crass, it has no tact, and it's possibly the most offensive film of the year. It completely reflects the humor of the new generation. The generation who grew up with South Park and Family Guy and when they went to the movies with friends they snuck in to see American Pie and Scary Movie. Can you imagine your mother seeing this movie with you? Neither can I.
8. Enchanted
What a clever movie. Catchy tunes, witty dialogue, and another sensational performance by Amy Adams make this film so effective. The film had its weak moments. Susan Sarandon was pretty thankless and her role in the movie just made things awkward at times. But it was one of the most original films of the year and who could resist the charms of Disney essentially making fun of itself? Not me.
7. Harry Potter And The Order of the Phoenix
These films just progressively get better and better. I remember reading the 5th book immediately upon its release a few years ago and being somewhat indifferent about it. It was long, too long. The movie, however, was almost too short. If not, then it was certainly "just right." This is the only film I saw twice in the theatres this year. And with that being said, it is one of only maybe 5 or 6 movies I've ever seen more than once in a theatre. I guess that speaks volumes on how much I enjoyed it, even though the second time I saw it it was in 3D. So cool. So very, very cool. Imelda Staunton gave the years best Supporting Actress performance. Perfect Umbridge.
6. No End In Sight
This is a compelling documentary about the beginning of the war in Iraq. How did it happen? What went wrong? How did this all get out of hand and who's to blame? The answers to all these questions, and many more, are provided within this suprisingly unbiased film. It just states the facts. This is what happened. Whether you are Left or Right, Up or Down, or Black or Blue you can't argue with this film. I'm going to stop now before I start to write stuff that may be a little bias. See this documentary. Have viewing parties.
5. Eastern Promises
Another Cronenberg success. After falling in love with "History of Violence" a couple years ago, I knew that this film was a must-see. Not quite the masterpiece that "History" was, this film still manages to hold it's own. Whether you're distracted by Viggo and his penis or the grotesque slashing of throats that happens throughout, you can't get past the fact that this is one hell of a story with great performances. Sure, you could just call it another mafia movie, but then you'd just be an idiot. Speaking of, why are movies about the mob always so good?
4. No Country For Old Men
This movie could have been number one. It really, really could have been. Then I saw it. Well, I loved the first 80 percent and then, like about everybody else, I hated the ending. I DON'T CARE how poignant you thought it was or how profound or how non-linear or "against the grain" or original or whatever you want to call it...it sucked. What the hell was Tommy Lee Jones talking about? Who the f*** was that old man he was talking to? What the hell happened to Josh Brolin? God knows we didn't see him get killed and the shot of his body was vague to say the least. I didn't even know it was his body until after the movie was over! Ok, ok...I know what you are thinking. I certainly seem to be trashing this movie that I'm putting so high on my list. Well, like I said, the first 80 percent of the film was fantasic. It had so much tension and suspense, I was on the edge of my seat. Also, I love the Coen brothers, Fargo is my favorite movie of all time. It's a perfect film. This movie, well, it's flawed but still pretty damn good...for about 90 minutes.
3. There Will Be Blood
Every year I seem to really fall for a movie based on a performance. This movie could very well possibly be the one this year. However, there were other things I loved about it. I thoroughly enjoyed the cinematography. The direction was quite good as well. PT Anderson is very good at what he does, if not a little pretentious. I hate Magnolia. I also hate Punch Drunk Love. Those movies trigger something in my brain that makes me want to never watch another movie again. BUT, I love Boogie Nights. It's probably my number 2 film of all time. It's definitely up there. TOp 5 at least.
2. Sweeney Todd
I didn't know what to expect with this film. Movie musicals are truly hit or miss with me. But this film did something entirely unexpected: it improved upon the already near perfect stage production. I didn't miss the chorus, I didn't miss any songs, I didn't mind that the leads weren't the strongest singers. In the end it all turned out to be the perfect film adaptation. Toby being an actual child (unlike the stage version where he is an adult playing a child) added a whole new dynamic to the character that I never appreciated before. Sure there were some flaws, including the awkward "By The Sea" number that all of a sudden transformed the film from Sondheim's "Sweeney Todd" to Tim Burton's "Sweeney Todd" and Helena Bonham Carter will never live up to the phenomenal performance by Angela Lansbury in the original production. But the movie, especially in its final poignant moments, just continues to prove why Sondheim is a living legend and his legacy will remain for centuries.
1. Grindhouse
Grindhouse?! What?!! Yes, you heard me...GRINDHOUSE! Does anybody remember this fabulous experience? I thoroughly enjoyed it. 2 films for the price of one. Trailers in between films that had me laughing, grimacing, and wishing that they weren't just FAKE trailers and they were advertising movies that might actually be released. The films, with their low quality and campy scripts, were perfectly "B". The first film, "Planet Terror", was by far the superior of the two films, but I didn't see this as two separate films. I saw this as a unique and entertaining film-going experience. If I were to judge these films separately then I'm not sure that either film would make this top 10 list but together they somehow manage to make it to the top. Go figure.
Honorable Mentions: Hairspray, Sicko, Oceans 13, Stardust, Juno, Ratatoille
Worst Films of the Year: Bug, Next, Norbit
I now present to you the annual best films blog. This, of course, being the best films of 2007. It's a little late, I know. But, better late than never! Right? Right?!!
10. 3:10 To Yuma
I went and saw this film on a recommendation. I've never been a huge fan of the western genre. However, I thoroughly enjoyed Unforgiven, Clint Eastwood's western epic that took the genre to a whole new level, This film, being a remake, continues the tradition of having a western with poignant parallels on the realities of life, love, family, and simple morality. Great performances and cinematography add to the films already sensational, yet unique, script.
9. Superbad
It's crass, it has no tact, and it's possibly the most offensive film of the year. It completely reflects the humor of the new generation. The generation who grew up with South Park and Family Guy and when they went to the movies with friends they snuck in to see American Pie and Scary Movie. Can you imagine your mother seeing this movie with you? Neither can I.
8. Enchanted
What a clever movie. Catchy tunes, witty dialogue, and another sensational performance by Amy Adams make this film so effective. The film had its weak moments. Susan Sarandon was pretty thankless and her role in the movie just made things awkward at times. But it was one of the most original films of the year and who could resist the charms of Disney essentially making fun of itself? Not me.
7. Harry Potter And The Order of the Phoenix
These films just progressively get better and better. I remember reading the 5th book immediately upon its release a few years ago and being somewhat indifferent about it. It was long, too long. The movie, however, was almost too short. If not, then it was certainly "just right." This is the only film I saw twice in the theatres this year. And with that being said, it is one of only maybe 5 or 6 movies I've ever seen more than once in a theatre. I guess that speaks volumes on how much I enjoyed it, even though the second time I saw it it was in 3D. So cool. So very, very cool. Imelda Staunton gave the years best Supporting Actress performance. Perfect Umbridge.
6. No End In Sight
This is a compelling documentary about the beginning of the war in Iraq. How did it happen? What went wrong? How did this all get out of hand and who's to blame? The answers to all these questions, and many more, are provided within this suprisingly unbiased film. It just states the facts. This is what happened. Whether you are Left or Right, Up or Down, or Black or Blue you can't argue with this film. I'm going to stop now before I start to write stuff that may be a little bias. See this documentary. Have viewing parties.
5. Eastern Promises
Another Cronenberg success. After falling in love with "History of Violence" a couple years ago, I knew that this film was a must-see. Not quite the masterpiece that "History" was, this film still manages to hold it's own. Whether you're distracted by Viggo and his penis or the grotesque slashing of throats that happens throughout, you can't get past the fact that this is one hell of a story with great performances. Sure, you could just call it another mafia movie, but then you'd just be an idiot. Speaking of, why are movies about the mob always so good?
4. No Country For Old Men
This movie could have been number one. It really, really could have been. Then I saw it. Well, I loved the first 80 percent and then, like about everybody else, I hated the ending. I DON'T CARE how poignant you thought it was or how profound or how non-linear or "against the grain" or original or whatever you want to call it...it sucked. What the hell was Tommy Lee Jones talking about? Who the f*** was that old man he was talking to? What the hell happened to Josh Brolin? God knows we didn't see him get killed and the shot of his body was vague to say the least. I didn't even know it was his body until after the movie was over! Ok, ok...I know what you are thinking. I certainly seem to be trashing this movie that I'm putting so high on my list. Well, like I said, the first 80 percent of the film was fantasic. It had so much tension and suspense, I was on the edge of my seat. Also, I love the Coen brothers, Fargo is my favorite movie of all time. It's a perfect film. This movie, well, it's flawed but still pretty damn good...for about 90 minutes.
3. There Will Be Blood
Every year I seem to really fall for a movie based on a performance. This movie could very well possibly be the one this year. However, there were other things I loved about it. I thoroughly enjoyed the cinematography. The direction was quite good as well. PT Anderson is very good at what he does, if not a little pretentious. I hate Magnolia. I also hate Punch Drunk Love. Those movies trigger something in my brain that makes me want to never watch another movie again. BUT, I love Boogie Nights. It's probably my number 2 film of all time. It's definitely up there. TOp 5 at least.
2. Sweeney Todd
I didn't know what to expect with this film. Movie musicals are truly hit or miss with me. But this film did something entirely unexpected: it improved upon the already near perfect stage production. I didn't miss the chorus, I didn't miss any songs, I didn't mind that the leads weren't the strongest singers. In the end it all turned out to be the perfect film adaptation. Toby being an actual child (unlike the stage version where he is an adult playing a child) added a whole new dynamic to the character that I never appreciated before. Sure there were some flaws, including the awkward "By The Sea" number that all of a sudden transformed the film from Sondheim's "Sweeney Todd" to Tim Burton's "Sweeney Todd" and Helena Bonham Carter will never live up to the phenomenal performance by Angela Lansbury in the original production. But the movie, especially in its final poignant moments, just continues to prove why Sondheim is a living legend and his legacy will remain for centuries.
1. Grindhouse
Grindhouse?! What?!! Yes, you heard me...GRINDHOUSE! Does anybody remember this fabulous experience? I thoroughly enjoyed it. 2 films for the price of one. Trailers in between films that had me laughing, grimacing, and wishing that they weren't just FAKE trailers and they were advertising movies that might actually be released. The films, with their low quality and campy scripts, were perfectly "B". The first film, "Planet Terror", was by far the superior of the two films, but I didn't see this as two separate films. I saw this as a unique and entertaining film-going experience. If I were to judge these films separately then I'm not sure that either film would make this top 10 list but together they somehow manage to make it to the top. Go figure.
Honorable Mentions: Hairspray, Sicko, Oceans 13, Stardust, Juno, Ratatoille
Worst Films of the Year: Bug, Next, Norbit
Friday, February 01, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Magnolia
I hate this movie. Always have. I watched it a second time because everybody told me how great they think it is. I still hated it. Totally ostentatious, pretentious, pile of doo. Oooo look at the frogs, how poignant. Yeah right. PT did so much better with Boogie Nights and There Will Be Blood because he didn't try so hard. Punch Drunk sucks too.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Heartwarming
I don't usually like these heartwarming stories, but this one is truly interesting...
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Sad News
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flour.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
BONUS! MUST WATCH!!
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flour.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
BONUS! MUST WATCH!!
Friday, January 04, 2008
B is for Bible
I don't know if anyone else out there experienced this as much as I did, but do you remember going to church as a child and having those lessons where the minister would come up with a word and then break the word down so that each letter started another word that represented some extension of the original word? Wow, did I really just say that? OK, in other words, the preacher would say the word today is "Righteous" and then the "R" would stand for "Risen" because Jesus has "risen" from the dead. Then he'd go into more details about the word "risen" so that he could fill time. I suppose that lesson technique is what they teach you in Preaching 101...perhaps it's also in the "Preaching for Dummies" book at B&N (please tell me there really isn't one). It's almost like the preacher woke up that morning and totally forgot to come up with a sermon so he does this carbon-copy, boring, stale, blue-print of a sermon that is more about filling time than it is about being profound and educational.
These type of sermons are sorta like dirty dimes. When you walk down the street and see a dirty dime you just pick it up and look at it then throw it back down on the ground only to have someone else pick up the dime and preach about it (OK, seriously, this whole dirty dime thing is an inside joke...but if you found it profound then more power to you).
For the sake of absolutely nothing I'm going to come up with a word and break it down:
Word: Mr. Chocolate (I know it's actually 2 words and it's from the movie Grizzly Man but shut-up)
M is for Magic because Chocolate is magic. So is Harry Potter. And Weed. Uh...I mean Weeds the T.V. show...seriously, I meant the TV show!
R is for Reading because if you can't read then you're a retard.
The "." is for that girl who made fun of me when I told her that a period was the dot at the end of a sentence when I was 10 years old. How foolish I was...oh, how foolish.
C is for Coke because I love it so. THE DRINK you potheads!
H is for Holy because I always enjoyed singing that song in church. Holy Holy Holy Lord God Almighty. But I use to go Holy Holy Moly Lord God Almighty. As an 8 year old I found that highly amusing.
O is for Ominous for no particular reason.
C is for Coccyx...that little bone at the bottom of your spine. It's your butt bone!
O is for Old because this is getting old.
L is for Luminous because I am so luminous!
A is for Archery because it was offered as one of those gay gym classes in college. Ugh, gym in college...what a waste of precious, precious drinking time.
T is for Time because time is all we have people. We are all going to die and that sucks. But at least we don't have to live forever. I think that by the time the ice age rolled around or the sun blew up and the earth was a billion trillion degrees that living forever would really really suck.
E is for Educational because, unlike those lame sermons, this blog post was educational.
Amen.
These type of sermons are sorta like dirty dimes. When you walk down the street and see a dirty dime you just pick it up and look at it then throw it back down on the ground only to have someone else pick up the dime and preach about it (OK, seriously, this whole dirty dime thing is an inside joke...but if you found it profound then more power to you).
For the sake of absolutely nothing I'm going to come up with a word and break it down:
Word: Mr. Chocolate (I know it's actually 2 words and it's from the movie Grizzly Man but shut-up)
M is for Magic because Chocolate is magic. So is Harry Potter. And Weed. Uh...I mean Weeds the T.V. show...seriously, I meant the TV show!
R is for Reading because if you can't read then you're a retard.
The "." is for that girl who made fun of me when I told her that a period was the dot at the end of a sentence when I was 10 years old. How foolish I was...oh, how foolish.
C is for Coke because I love it so. THE DRINK you potheads!
H is for Holy because I always enjoyed singing that song in church. Holy Holy Holy Lord God Almighty. But I use to go Holy Holy Moly Lord God Almighty. As an 8 year old I found that highly amusing.
O is for Ominous for no particular reason.
C is for Coccyx...that little bone at the bottom of your spine. It's your butt bone!
O is for Old because this is getting old.
L is for Luminous because I am so luminous!
A is for Archery because it was offered as one of those gay gym classes in college. Ugh, gym in college...what a waste of precious, precious drinking time.
T is for Time because time is all we have people. We are all going to die and that sucks. But at least we don't have to live forever. I think that by the time the ice age rolled around or the sun blew up and the earth was a billion trillion degrees that living forever would really really suck.
E is for Educational because, unlike those lame sermons, this blog post was educational.
Amen.
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