And The Award WENT Too...

First, let me warn everyone NOT to see "Winn Dixie". Yes I saw it. I'm ashamed. Let's leave it at that. Second, everybody needs to rent and see "Shaun of the Dead". It's a hysterical British parody of classic, and more recent, zombie movies (Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, etc.).

Ok, on to the award ceremony.

Shauns of the Dead:

-Chris Rock and his lack of humility along with his crass and insulting behavior.
-Andrew Lloyd Webber accompanying Beyonce on his beautiful Original Song (and I'm NOT a Webber fan)
-The show running only 30 minutes over.
-The cute moment between Shrek and Chaplin
-Johnny Carson tribute
-Beyonce's numerous evening wear changes
-Every Best Picture nominee won at least ONE award
-The Incredibles winning 2 awards...including Best Animated Picture.
-Alexander Payne and Charlie Kaufman winning their first Academy Awards (2 of my Hollywood favorites)
-Yo Yo Ma
-Morgan Freeman finally winning an award (I know that I didn't want him to win...but he deserves it regardless.)
-Jeremy Irons Presentation
-Mickey Rooney is still ALIVE!
-Dustin and Babs - they're so cute...they should be married in real life.
-Paul Giammati was there. What a good sport.
-Chris Rock's Gap/George W. analogy

Winn Dixies:

-Chris Rock and his lack of humility along with his crass and insulting behavior.
-That awful song from Motorcycle Diaries.
-That awful song from Motorcycle Diaries winning.
-Was it just me or did the ceremony seem really boring?
-Ray winning for Best Sound Editing. Why?
-Melanie Griffith and her breasts.
-The numerous awkward moments where all the nominees had to line up to be told they were losers.
-The numerous awkward moments where all the nominees were denied their walk down the aisle because, alas, they were given their award in the aisle.
-Martin Scorsese losing (I'm starting to feel really bad for him)
-Did anybody else notice the "Terminator" theme being played more than once??
-Those random shots of the ceiling screens.
-Whoopi Goldberg almost ruining the Johnny Carson tribute (why doesn't she just give up?)
-The fact that I have not seen ONE of the Lifetime Achivement Award recepient's (Sidney Lumet) movies. (I'm sorta ashamed)
-Laura Linney's hair. Ewww
-The plethora of empty seats. Why were there so many?

And The Award Goes To...

Ok, let me first start by saying I have not seen these top contenders:

Hotel Rwanda
Closer
Ray
Before Sunset

I swear on the soul of my dead step sister (who just happens to not exist) that I will see Ray before the Academy Awards tomorrow night if that means that I have to go out and buy it from Wal-mart...carefully remove it from the wrapping and those annoying sticker sealants...watch it...carefully place it back in the wrapper and sealants...and lastly, return it for a full refund. You see, I checked today on Wal-mart's DVD return policy and they said that if it's open it can only be exchanged for the exact same thing. You may be asking why I just don't rent it. Well, I live in the middle of nowhere and the only video store that I know of carries about 6 copies of it (3 dvd 3 tapes) and they were all checked out. You may be asking why I didn't rent it from Netflix. Well, I did. There is apparently a long wait on it (I queued it over a month ago) so they are bypassing it and sending me other videos in my queue until Ray is available. You may be asking why I just don't keep the movie if I buy it. Because I don't want to own it. I just want to see it! I will probably never see Before Sunset and the other two I have queued on Netflix for when they arrive on DVD later this year. With that said I would like to present my awards and predictions for Oscars 2005!

Best Picture:
Who will win: Million Dollar Baby
Who should win: Million Dollar Baby
*Now I didn't particularly find Million Dollar Baby astounding and I haven't even seen Ray. But I know that the other contenders that I did see I didn't particularly find astounding either. The Aviator was just too long and pretentious. Honestly, who really cares about Howard Hughes? Was his life really that unique? Not to me. Sideways was good but is it really Best Picture worthy? For Sideways I think it was just an honor for it to be nominated. Finding Neverland was sweet but flawed. I always have a hard time honoring a movie that totally takes the truth and makes it so Hollywood that it's no longer the truth and it becomes fabrication. So that leaves us with Ray (which I haven't seen but I doubt I'll find it that astounding either - I'll keep you posted though) and Million Dollar Baby. I did find my choice to be a very good movie so I stick by it. I find it unfortunate that Kinsey was not nominated for this category. That was my #1 film of 2004. But it was sadly overlooked.

Best Actor
Who will win: Jamie Foxx
Who should win: ????
I think I'll wait to see Ray and Hotel Rwanda before I make up my mind on this award. I know that everybody is hyping Jamie Foxx. But I've also heard that Don Cheadle in Hotel Rwanda is also very impressive. Clint Eastwood was fine in Million Dollar Baby but he wasn't THAT good. Especially seeing how he knocked one of the best performances of the year (Paul Giamatti in Sideways) out of the race. Leonardo Dicaprio did very well in a role that did not suit him. It's like when you go see a show at a high school and the person playing the old lady is just so great and funny but ultimately she's NOT an old lady and an old lady would have done a much better job when you really think about it. I don't know if that metaphor even makes any sense. But it does in my brain so whatever. Johnny Depp will have his moment...he will have his role...he will have his award. This one was not it.

Best Actress
Who will win: Hilary Swank
Who should win: *TIE* Hilary Swank and Imelda Staunton
I suppose if it came down to the nitty gritty I would choose Imelda only because she doesn't have one yet. But I love Hilary Swank and I love her performance in Million Dollar Baby. She is a truly talented actress who commits herself to a role but never over does it. She knows exactly what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. She's precise and accurate. Then there is Imelda who just has such an obvious craft to her acting that you sit there and say to yourself the entire time that this woman really knows how to act. You end up studying her craft and analyzing every move, every gesture, and every detail about her performance because you know that, to her, there is something behind it all. We will see what I have to say about Annette Bening in the future. As for Catalina and Kate. Well, for Catalina it truly is an honor to be nominated because I do not see what the big deal is about that performance. And for Kate...love her, love her, love her...but just like Johnny, this one is not her moment, her role, her award.

Best Supporting Actor
Who will win: Morgan Freeman
Who should win: Thomas Haden Church
I always have a fond appreciation for a good comedic, yet deep, performance. I think Thomas Haden Church delivers that in Sideways. Let me be the first to say that comedy is HARD. Harder than drama. And when you mix the two and do it successfully, it's impressive. I love Morgan Freeman, but there has to be a better role for him out there where he can really strut his stuff. I've seen him play this character a thousand times. He does it VERY well but I just want to see more from him. It's almost like he doesn't even try. He just walks on the set and turns on the Morgan Freeman. Give us something new Morgan. Please! Was Alan Alda even in The Aviator? I swear if you blink your eyes you'd miss him. Why was he nominated? Especially over such other great performances such as Freddie Highmore in Finding Neverland. Jamie Foxx? Again, why was he nominated? He was good in Collateral but nothing spectacular and he's already going to win for Best Actor. Wasted nomination if you ask me. Unfortunately, I haven't seen Clive Owen. I've heard he's great though.

Best Supporting Actress
Who will win: Virginia Madsen
Who should win: ???
This is another one where I haven't seen 2 of the films nominated. I feel bad picking "should wins" when I don't have all the facts. However, I am going out on a limb and voting for the slight underdog as the "will win". Some people are insisting it's going to be Cate Blanchett (who was also very good) but I think that Madsen might just make an upset. Supporting Actress is always full of surprises. Laura Linney was also great in a film that I loved so I wouldn't mind seeing her win either. This is a tough one to predict.

Best Director
Who will win: Clint Eastwood
Who should win: Martin Scorsese
Just give it to the man already! Before you know it he's going to be dead and you're all going to be sorry you never gave him the golden phallus. Don't wait for his final "GREAT" one. It's probably not going to happen. C'mon, his films are getting progressively worse and worse...I mean did you see Gangs of New York? He did great films. Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull. Just give him the damn award.

Adapted Screenplay
Who will win: Sideways
Who should win: Sideways
Call it what you want but it Sideways is a great script with excellent dialogue. Sure it's not the must plot driven thing in the world. But it has class. The Motorcycle Diaries was so boring I wanted to slit my wrists. Million Dollar Baby was good but a little hokey, and oh-so-predictable. You already know my feelings on Finding Neverland...fabrication *cough cough*. And I probably will never see Before Sunset. Why you ask? Well, I just probably never will. No interest really.

Original Screenplay
Who will win: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Who should win: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
If The Aviator pulls an upset here I will literally be "upset". Supposedly, The Aviator is in a close second. It wasn't a bad script but Eternal... was just so original and brilliant. How can you not award a script like that. It was, by far, the best script of the year and should be awarded.

So there you have it. My main predictions. I also saw about 80 percent of the smaller contenders (excluding things like Best Documentary, short subject, etc.). I think the most important one is Animated Feature which I think will be awarded to The Incredibles as well it should. So enjoy the show tomorrow night and I'll be posting after the ceremony with my updates and pointless banter! See ya.

Life Sucks

First, let me apologize for not posting recently. I know people hate posts where people just apologize for not posting but I feel really bad about it. To make a long story short, I've been going through some semi-traumatic times lately and I am now just starting to pull through to a healthy new me. Lately, I've been busy attending auditions throughout the country (well, just Ohio and Memphis to be exact) scouting for talent for good ol' Bearcreek Farms USA. Let me tell you, the talent in girls: stellar. The talent in boys: not so much. Why is it that talented men are so much harder to come by. From the audition in Memphis I would say that 1 out of every 5 auditonees were male. 1 out of every 3 males sang (the rest just did monologues). 1 out of every 5 singing males were remotely decent. That's a very small percentage. So please, to all you men out there, if you have any talent and people tell you you are talented (besides your mother and local church congregation) then by all means...join the theatre world. We need you!

An Amish Joke

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."

"Again, I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector and he said he would put a new one on immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

Killer Bunnies

So I've discovered a new game recently, thanks to a friend of mine in NYC. The game is called Killer Bunnies. No seriously, it's called Killer Bunnies. Well, to be exact it is called Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot. No seriously! Basically, the title of the game explains it's premise. To be more specific, the game is similar to magic (yes, it's a card game) except not as complicated (I think, I've only played magic once and I didn't get it). They even have a website - http://www.killerbunnies.com. GO.

Fire and Brimstone

Recently, my area has suffered from vast amounts of flooding and ice. Now we have about 8 inches of snow on the ground. I was driving along and there is a local Wesleyan church that has a sign out front. Sometimes the quotes are amusing and sometimes they say things like - "Be thankful it was only ice and water. It could have been fire and brimstone." Ok, ok...you all know my thoughts on this matter - and if not, well, I guess I don't want to really get into it at the moment. But after being infuriated at the quote, then laughing about it a little, then being infuriated again, I realized that I don't even know what the hell brimstone is...no pun intended. Dictionary.com defines it merely as "sulfur". Then, as you scroll down it says "an inflammable mineral substance found in quantities on the shores of the Dead Sea". Interesting. Apparently, a city in the Bible was rained on by fire and brimstone. That must have stunk...literally. By the way, Brimstone is also the name of a band and a TV series that lasted about year in the late 90's. It was about a dead cop, sentenced to Hell, then returned to Earth by the Devil to recover 113 escaped evil spirits. Does anybody remember this show? Or did they actually see it. I'm drawing a blank here. I'm also wondering if the Wesleyan church was talking about the TV show in their quote. I doubt it. They were probably referring to the brimstone in the bible...seeing how it's a church and all. I also looked up "fire and brimstone" on dictionary.com. It defines the phrase as: "the punishment of hell." OK. So was that church saying I should be thankful for ice and water instead of "the punishment of hell?" How do they know I'm going to hell? Oh wait...I said I wasn't going to get into this didn't I. BTW...I also found this in my research: FIRE AND BRIMSTONE. It's interesting. Check it out. Talk at you later!

NY, NY, etc

So I am officially, 100% no longer a resident of NYC. This past week I ventured there to clear my old apartment of any remains. It was a prosperous visit. I saw David Letterman, a few friends, a Broadway show (Little Women starring my friend Amy McAlexander), a couple movies, and I did a little shopping and eating...ok, lots of eating. The flicks I caught were Kinsey, which was phenomenal, and Finding Neverland, which was very good. I recommend them both. David Letterman was an interesting experience. The guest list was awesome (note sarcasm). The guests were Rudy Giuliani and some 11 year old drummer prodigy. LAME. Perhaps some of you caught the broadcast. The 11 year old kid was actually pretty good, but c'mon...couldn't they get ONE movie star? Speaking of movie stars...what is wrong with Mos Def? Wait...did I say movie star? I meant to say "rapper slash movie star". Anyways, is there something wrong with him mentally? Did he get hit by a bus or something? I just watched an interview with him on the late late show with Craig Ferguson and not only was his singing performance atrocious but during his interview he sounded a bit on the slow side. Does he talk like this in the movies? I really can't remember seeing a movie he was in. But I was just appalled by his performance. It really was atrocious. There is no other word for it. Craig Ferguson, however, is great. I really like him as a talk show host. I guess he's just a temp though. So final assessment: I no longer live in NYC at all, go see Finding Neverland and Kinsey, David Letterman is in dire need of celebrities, Mos Def sucks, Craig Ferguson doesn't, and Mos Def sucks...he seems nice though.

The Ice Storm Part Deaux

That's right folks, you heard it here first. I have suffered my second, I repeat, second ice storm in 10 days. The whole nine yards: no electricity, no water, no heat. This makes me come to this conclusion. Either God is punishing me for my heathen ways. Or he is punishing everyone around me for voting for George W. Bush. I vote for the latter. No, but seriously people, my friend (who shall remain nameless...we'll call her Ms. Pruitt...no, no, better yet, Lisa X) told me recently that someone she knows said God was punishing the people in Indonesia because they were "Godless". What about all the innocent children over there? What about the Christians? There had to be a few of them there, right? Let me just say that I don't think God punishes anybody. That's my stance on that issue...not to start a debate or anything. But if he WERE to punish somebody...it'd be the people who voted for George W. Bush. JUST KIDDING! sorta...

TV on DVD

Can I just tell you how brilliant this concept is to me? For one, you don't get those lousy commercial breaks interrupting your program. Two, you get a quality digital picture. Three, you can stop and start as much as you like. Four, you don't have to wait weeks or months to see the next episode (one exception: you're waiting for the next season to come out on DVD). Five, you can stop the program, get up to pee, then start watching again. Six, you get amazing extras such as audio commentary on the episodes. Did I miss anything? I'm currently watching the 5th season of The Simpsons that just came out on DVD. Yes, I also watched these episodes when they aired. But that was 10 years ago! Next I want to watch the last episodes of Sex and the City which was also just released. I'm extremely lonely and bored right now because everybody has left me where I'm working and living. I feel a sense of cabin fever approaching...think Jack Torrance from The Shining. Thankfully, I'm able to sway that fever due to this magnificent invention called TV on DVD. Thank you entertainment industry. Thank you. Ok, back to The Simpsons.

The Ice Storm

Please, do not confuse the title of this post with a fabulous movie starring Kevin Kline and Frodo. The title of this post is referring to the lovely ice storm Columbus, OH endured over the Christmas Holiday. Why don't they name ice storms? They name hurricanes. I think they should name ice storms as well. If they were to name this ice storm I think it should have been "Ice Storm Carrie" or better yet, "Ice Storm Shit on your Christmas". I drove home expecting to cuddle up in my warm bed with my mother baking cookies in the kitchen. Instead, I came home to what looked like a disaster site in the front yard with all the broken tree limbs, my father traveling up and down the stairs to carry water from the sump pump to put into the toilets because there was no running water, my mother trying to make chili by candlelight because of the lack of electricity, and a house that's temperature could have easily been confused with that of Antarctica...or even Martha Stewart. Regardless, we made the best of the situation and Christmas was just as good as always, if not better. My parents seem to argue less when they are away from home. We spent Christmas Eve at my brother's house. He was running off a generator. We spent Christmas day at my other brother's house. He had electricity. I got what I wanted for Christmas...well, except a digital camera. But I think I'll just invest in one of those myself. My father said an interesting thing regarding the power outage. He said that the lack of electricity really brought people together. I suppose that's true...to some degree. My parents still argued just as much as ever. But I did spend less time watching TV and playing on the computer this time around. That resulted in me spending more time with them. Without electricity you sorta focus on other things. There aren't very many distractions. But if there is one thing that I learned from this experience it is this: The Amish are STILL dumb.

Secret Santa - Trials and Tribulations

How many out there enjoy doing Secret Santa? Show of hands please. Hmm. None. It's OK...don't be shy. Still none. This could attribute to the fact that I can't see any of you. Regardless, why does Secret Santa always seem to cause so much drama? I just completed a week of Secret Santa where my Santa required me to do chores and find clues to acquire my gifts. One day I even had to sing the "Twelve Days Of Christmas" in front of my entire cast. Not only did I have to sing it but I also had to come up with a different "MOTION" for each day. Needless to say, I made the entire cast do it with me. I wasn't about to humiliate myself without bringing EVERYONE down for the ride. I was the only one who had to do these things. It was kinda fun. But for those of you who know me, I'm not one for fun. I like to wallow in misery and disdain. OK, OK...I enjoy a hug every once in a while. But the real drama comes from people bitching about Secret Santa and the gifts they receive. I thought this was supposed to be a gay and jolly sorta thing. Not excruciatingly painful! Well, needless to say nobody got hurt and we finished it up today and things seem to be okey dokey. I just wish that giving gifts wasn't so difficult. Sometimes you give someone a gift and they look at you like you just pooped on their pie. Probably because they don't have a gift to give back to you. THAT'S NOT WHAT GIVING GIFTS IS ALL ABOUT!! Not for me anyways. I give because it makes me happy. I don't give because I expect something in return. I love the satisfaction of making someone smile. That's why it sucks when someone is upset you gave them something. It also shouldn't be about the money. The whole "I spent 50 dollars on you so I hope you spent at least that much on me" sorta thing is unnecessary. Remember that this is the "season of giving". Not the "season of receiving". But I like to think of it more along the lines of the "season of giving and receiving with glee"!

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT

Here's some exciting news for all you Harry Potter fans out there: CLICK.

Lemony Snicket

So tonight I reveled in the opportunity to see a movie. The movie I chose: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. As excited as I was to see this film I knew in the back of my head that I should probably not be expecting much. I wasn't a big fan of the first novel. It wasn't clever enough for me and the story ran a little flat. There was a time in my life when everybody knew me as the "kid who loved Roald Dahl". I WAS the Dahl expert. So ever since I was a wee lad I've known a little about good story telling. I also know when it runs on fumes. Lemony Snicket runs on fumes. Sure, he throws in some clever little tricks. The word defining for instance. But overall, there's not a lot of imagination there. The film, however, redeems itself with stunning visuals and admirable performances. It took a minute for Jim Carrey to grow on me. But that always seems to be the case. At first he came across as something children would love to live with. Then you sorta realize that he's more crazy than he is quirky. It would have been interesting to see a dramatic actor take on the role. One thing I loved: the baby and her adorable unintelligible grunts that were translated into subtitles for us. There was also a rather startling moment where I about lost my shizzle. It was interesting to see Peter Pettigrew (from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) in the film. See if you can point him out. Thomas Newman(composer), eh, what can I say...same old, same old. Overall Assessment: Good film, weak story. Children will enjoy it. Nice visuals. Good Performances. LOVED THE WILLY WONKA TRAILER!! B-

Blog World

So I was watching Regis and Kelly the other day. Actually, "forced" to watch it is more accurate. I was at the gym and it was on the tube. It was stated on the show that the number one word looked up in the dictionary is "blog". That is when I knew that I HAD to become a member of this so-called "blog world" or "world of blog". Seriously, it was the deciding factor! I had been contemplating it for a while. My friend Lisa has her own blog and I just find it fascinating. Everyday I look forward to her banter and fiery online debates about politics and religion and sexuality. I HAD to become a part of that. Sure I was making comments, but I wanted to be in control. Now I am. I have my own blog. This is going to be fun my friends. This is going to be the start of something BIG...